#27 Just Be

Hey there,

This one is about being.

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A wam, fuzzy welcome to my everyday. I’m sitting in a rickety, old bus taking me to the beach. The tattered seat covers are two passenger butts away from peeling off, and the air inside the bus is stale from the musty scent of rain on everyone’s soaked clothes. My left earphone is louder my right as my finger involuntarily fiddles with the headphone jack to correct the glitch.

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But it doesn't matter, my destination is almost here. In this moment, I’m caught in a spell apropos the greenery unfolding seamlessly by the window. The same trees I’ve been seeing for 9 years now, always so different, always so fresh in the monsoons. My feet begin to tap in excitement as I smell the distinct ocean scent. But, my little bubble of calm has an intruder - a tune I was obsessed with, in my teens. I smile as the lead singer sings ever so softly "...tired of being what you want me to be".

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It felt like a good time to shut my eyes, to feel every word. But before I begin with my meditation, the bus comes to a screeching halt. The ocean is now starting to appeal to all the 5 senses. People begin to pour out of the bus as the ticket collector signals to me, telling me to make a move. I get up begrudgingly and get off the bus. “I’m feeling out of touch”, I told my sister earlier in the morning.

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I look around at a place that is all too familiar, but it feels like I don’t recognize anything. The tourists and shopkeepers hustle around and I can barely tell any of their faces apart. I become startled by a sound in my ear “Wake me up insiiiide.” The music was taking over occasionally making me lose a sense of place and time. How long has it been? How many songs have played while I’ve been standing here? Why have I been standing here all this while? Where do I want to go? It feels like the tourists have more of a clue than me.

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I look around once again and let my feet take me wherever they can. I can see a large body of water. I can feel the sea breeze kissing my skin. I can smell the fresh catch of the day. Yet I feel like I don’t know where I am, and if I belong. My feet come to a halt and I sit down on a ledge. I look down at the plants drenched in the seawater and out into the vastness of the charging waves. I’ve been here before, almost too many times, many more than I can remember.

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I squint to look up at the sky and not a single feather fluttering. ‘It’s nice, being truly alone here’. A moment of peace. I look at my watch, it’s 6:15 already. I get up to leave, sneaking one last glance of the ocean. Switching the tabs on my phone, I realise my Spotify hasn’t been playing songs for some time. The playlist is done with its shuffle and so is my mind. 2 hours and 45 minutes have raced by.

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