Hey there,

 

This one is about bottled up feelings.

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“What’s the first thing you do when you wake up? Tea or coffee?” Just when I thought the date couldn’t get worse, this was the first question this man asked me. 

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‘First thing in the morning… I pee.’ My brain couldn’t come up with a better response for a while but I managed to hold that thought in.

I asked politely, “What do you mean by that?” (I was hoping for a witty response for some reason)

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But Dr. Sharma mustered up the courage and said, “Oh, no reason at all. Trying to spark a conversation. I am pretty new to this, would need some help if I’m being honest. LOL.”

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I never knew doctors used LOL. Never heard one say it. It surprised me… probably the only thing that had surprised me in five minutes of conversation and ten minutes of silence. 

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This transaction was likely to be a failure. Context: My father’s heart raced to borderline heart attacks thinking about his unmarried, 30-year-old daughter. And the answer always had been a no until I had an idea. 

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“You invest in my business and I’ll play fair while meeting some of the boys you have chosen,” I played my card (this would have never happened to my brother). 

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“Done,” He said. And so it began.

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Cut to me being on the most weird date of my life. Hands down… I mean, the man had just used LOL. I wouldn’t say it was not helpful, I’d say there were more learnings towards what I didn’t want in a man. 

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Taking a big sip out of my wine glass (which should have been a ‘mega pint’), I asked, “Doctor, are you new to this? If you don’t mind me asking, is this your first date?”

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“Oh, no, I have. Definitely. But never with the intention of marriage. For marriage, yes, this is my first time. So… what’s your favorite color?”

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What a specimen. But at that very moment, I thought, this what what my father had in mind for me? A title before the name… that’s all it takes? It wasn’t a date from a random website. My father actually knew this man child before introducing him to me. All these years, growing up… my dad knows me better than this. This wasn’t worth it. Not even for some investment which I should have gotten for my idea and not for a stupid deal. I proposed it because I had no other choice. At least, I felt like I had no other choice.

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I made up an excuse and immediately left. I had a bone to pick with a certain someone back home. 

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I reached home and barged in. I saw my dad sitting there, watching TV. There were so many bottled up feelings. He had really hurt me. But when I tried to speak to him, I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it. It all stayed within. Why?

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That day, I didn’t feel like his daughter. I felt like a duty, a burden that needed to be lifted off of his shoulders.

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